in which there are many bad ideas (closed)

[rootbound]

Who: Dark (Geir), Briar (Vern), and Raven (Wei Wuxian)
Where: SEVERAL LOCATIONS AROUND THE CITY
When: April 22



[Stealing a honeymoon suite had seemed like such a good idea at the time. It had ‘moon’ in the name, didn’t it? Surely it would be related. Neither of them had heard of a honeymoon before, but if the advertisement Vern saw glowing on one of the floating billboards was correct, they'd find them available at the best rates of the year at the Brightest Lights Resort. Stealing some moon-themed snacks or candies would probably be close enough to count for their month's mission.

A few questions of passerby and a frustrating learning curve to figure out the map function on Vern's phone later, and they'd arrived at the Brightest Lights Resort. Vern rose magnificently to the occasion, asking at the front desk which "honeymoon suite" had the best view of the city and what exactly the skyline looked like from Room 1512's window. It was enough for Geir to carry him there.

Of course, all they'd found was a couple trying to have the happiest night of their lives. The shrieking was incredible. Vern's head still hurt from it. There wasn't anything that looked like a moon in the room after all. How were you supposed to steal this?!

The noise stopped when the unlucky newlyweds fled the room. The embarrassment of the scene did not. Vern and Geir fled to a bar (with outdoor seating, to accomodate unusually shaped guests) to recuperate.]

Comments

i. at the bar

[rootandbranch]

[groans, laying his head down his too-large head on the bar as much as he's physically capable]

Aaaask them if they serve mead in barrels...

[rootbound]

I'm sure we can contrive something.

[pats him with one hand and flags a waitress down with the other; it's a good thing he's run some small non-thief errand stints already for regular cash money at this point. does not hesitate to get himself a flagon, too.]

[rootandbranch]

[glumly:]

Don't really waste that much money on me. Spirits don't last long enough.

[unfurls his wing enough to gratefully curl a wingtip around Vern's back, though. they're still in full phantom thief gear, so the glitter of the dimmed lights on his wings throw crazy reflections off of the bottles behind the bar.]

[rootbound]

I can at least get you a vat.

[he's getting a vat.]

We both deserve to drown our sorrows.

[rootandbranch]

I hope it comes soon.

[heaves a huge, gusty sigh, rattling the bar decorations... for anyone else at the bar, it's hard to ignore the fact that a very large dragon and an irritated young man are making the barkeep worry about his supplies this early in the evening.]

[weiyingdown]

[a barkeep worrying about his supplies is enough to make any sensible patron worry about how much they're going to get out of an establishment. which is enough to make this patron wander out from the inside seating to see what's got the barkeep in a tizzy]

It's you two! What's with the gloomy faces? Don't tell me someone stole your wallets.

ii. thieving in a hotel

[weiyingdown]

[Raven didn't have to sneak into the hotel dressed as a maid.

but, well, he happened to find an extra set of the uniform upon his initial investigation of the place, and it seemed like the easiest way to sneak around?

and, because he's bored, he vigilantly sends Briar and Dark text updates as he searches]

this place is way too fancy, how did you break in here without someone kicking you out???

[rootbound]

we didn't go inside obviously

[so far it's a peaceful enough investigation, though hopefully he's not wearing his mask WITH the maid uniform. there's the main lobby, the kitchen and housekeeping facilities, the attached dining, elevators up, ten floors or so of hotel rooms to investigate, and also emergency stairs. also a swimming pool?

what's he going to do first?]

[weiyingdown]

[he's going to be very diligent and go straight to the housekeeping facilities--

right after he checks out the kitchen. and maybe swipe some food when no one is looking. he's allowed to multi-task this mission.]

well you should come inside later to check it out. i can see why that couple wanted to spend their honeymoon here!

[rootbound]

dark doesn't fit

[the food is delicious! this is a quality establishment.

there's definitely a laundry in the back areas if he wants to steal more clothes, lockers, a couple of offices...what is he looking for in housekeeping? keys?]

[weiyingdown]

this place is full of magic, someone can probably shrink him

[he's lookin for keys!! because keys seem to just be a good thing to have on hand in this kind of situation. but he also takes a peak at the offices, to see if they're empty, and if they are then he's going to duck into one to dig around for any guest info.

he's new at this and not 100% certain where an itinerary for guests would be, he's working with what he's got]

[rootbound]

not now

[he finds an empty office but no printed itinerary...it might be in the computer? he’s also able to swipe a set of housekeeping keys someone left in a desk drawer, but only a few of them are labeled and those seem to be for rooms in this area. there’s also a pass card on the key ring]

iii. MARRIAGE???

[rootbound]

[As if this whole thing hasn't been awkward enough already, showing up in the Justice district in full phantom thief disguises just feels… wrong. Then again, Nightking and Thorn haven't committed any real crimes in the city of Glymmer yet. For just this little while, even their phantom thief personas are upstanding citizens.

Thorn sighs and leans forward against the clerk's counter. Hopefully, this is the first and last time they'll find themselves in City Hall.]

Hello.

[rootandbranch]

[The clerk looks uncertain.

“Um, good morning, is everything all right?” She's looking nervously at his extremely obvious phantom thief outfit, and also at Nightking, who is a huge dragon, and also in a phantom thief outfit. Nightking chimes in unhelpfully.]

Probably...?

[rootbound]

[Thorn raises his eyebrows -- unseen behind his mask -- and speaks like this is a perfectly normal occurrence.]

Yes. Quite. We were looking into acquiring a civil partnership certificate; can you assist us in getting one?

[rootandbranch]

[The clerk breathes out a sigh of relief and brightens up. This is much more like it. “Oh, you and-- this-- fine dragon here?”

Nightking is nodding eagerly.]

[rootbound]

Yes.

[Thorn is stonefaced.]

[rootandbranch]

[Nightking weighs in again, leaning over the counter with cheerful interest so clear that the clerk doesn't even get intimidated. Perhaps she is a romantic.]

I can't believe you can just make some marks and we're married in this city. Humans certainly give paper a lot of power.

iv. THE ITINERARY (as recorded by Spirit)

[rootandbranch]

[honestly we’re just going to do summaries for this bit because it’s a lot, but the stealing of the honeymoon goes as follows:

The couple booked dinner and a show for the first night! Tickets are theoretically sold out, but Thorn grabs one from a scalper and is happy enough to have himself be placed well at the back and in a corner of the theatre; the important thing is that there’s a window there where Nightking can look in and unnerve everyone, and where Thorn can pass food out, ignoring the fury of the ushers. They get to watch a Glymmerized version of Beauty and the Beast! The story is compelling and the special effects are lovely, but there’s a commotion halfway through when the couple they’re thieving from notices the GIANT DRAGON EYE that menaced their hotel window not too long ago, at which point Thorn and Nightking withdraw. Spirit looks up the show later and cheerfully spoils them for the ending.

PERHAPS WHILE SOME OTHER INDIVIDUALS ARE STEALING A PAINTING, there's a special event at the glass-walled penthouse cafe at the top of the art museum! The huge, glittering space is decorated with local artists' work and wide enough for even a dragon to stretch out in, once he's landed outside and had the barrier lowered to let him in. It serves an expensive dinner, but for a delightful coffee or lunch date, it's a location you can't miss. ...unfortunately, if you're starting to think there's a dragon stalking you to eat you, it's not as pleasant. They try to be nice and arrive and leave before the time noted in the couples’ itinerary, but the couple...arrives a little early, enough to pass by them as they’re exiting (and exiting, and exiting, in Nightking’s case.) Thorn and Nightking don’t make eye contact, but even in their peripheral vision they can see how frazzled the couple looks. At least they didn’t outright steal the reservation?

There is a lovely Firefly Festival in Petal Park, the perfect romantic atmosphere for a newly married couple. There are glass jars and paper lanterns that can be used to catch the fireflies that inhabit the park, and people can quite literally set their own mood by catching their own mood lighting. Spirit (he’s there, somehow, he always ends up there) is the most enthusiastic about catching said fireflies, up until the point that Thorn points out that he can just make his own lights whenever he pleases. Spirit tries to convince Nightking to stick Thorn in a glass jar. That might be considered romantic? The couple’s there too, of course, but they do their best to keep away from them (Thorn, at least, is feeling a little bad about messing with their honeymoon at this point, though he’s enjoying himself too.) Still, Nightking is an incredibly noticeable bulk.

Near the end of the night, the couple actually MARCHES ON OVER to TRY AND HAVE A CONFRONTATION…]

v. FINAL DESTINATION

[rootandbranch]

[The couple whose honeymoon is being stolen has had ENOUGH. They are two perfectly nice ladies who were just trying to enjoy themselves, thank you; the shorter of the two drags her wife over with her hands on her hips, nearly sparking in outrage.

"Okay, who are you people, and what is going on?! First you try to break into our hotel room, and now we're tripping over you every time we turn around! Do you want money? Is this some kind of cult?!" Her wife looks a little intimidated of all this, but also annoyed, arms folded defensively in front of her.]

Um-- um, not exactly--

[rootbound]

. . . sorry . . .

[that doesn't look like it will be NEARLY enough, so he hastens to add:]

We don't want anything. We -- well, we did mean to break into your room, I suppose, but not the other things.

[weiyingdown]

They broke into your room?! Those scoundrels.

[the first woman doesn't hesitate to round on him too. he's much smaller than the dragon and not as intimidating to approach by half.

"You've been with them the whole time! Don't act like you don't know anything about this!"]

Y-yes ma'am! We're very sorry if we put a damper on your honeymoon. Two lovely ladies such as yourselves deserve to enjoy your vacation to the fullest. I can promise you that this was only a series of strange but completely explainable coincidences.

[he looks at the other two to back him up.]

[rootandbranch]

But Spirit, they weren't coincidences at all. We were following those directions you found. If it ruined anything for them...

[glances at the women]

I'm sorry. We really weren't trying to scare you.

[rootbound]

[sighs, choosing to be frank]

We were tasked with stealing your honeymoon, all right? But we meant to copy it, not literally ruin it. You have our deepest apologies for the fright we’ve caused. How can we make it up to you?

[kind of inclines his head jerkily with that...the ladies look like they don’t know whether to get madder or just be very surprised. a window of opportunity to defuse things here? perhaps!]

[rootandbranch]

[it's a window they take advantage of!

it takes a little more back and forth negotiation, but (since their fear of Nightking is rapidly diminishing), the women eventually agree that a romantic dragon ride -- and Nightking and Thorn covering the expenses of their dinner out of their own strained budget -- will satisfy them. with Spirit joking around to keep things light, the evening is eventually rescued, and on hearing that Nightking and Thorn are newlyweds as well, the less-outraged of the two brides even writes them out a "one free honeymoon" coupon on a napkin as a joke. perhaps their original honeymoon was stolen, but their honeymoon 2.0 seems to be starting off all right.

mission success!]